I’ll be honest, neglected readers, this is more a tired, complainy rant than anything else. I haven’t even thought it out properly.
I’m at a point in my life where I have to grow up. Not physically, of course, but in regards to maturity. It’s now that I really begin to become an adult; Full time work, lots of study, dealing with problems and issues that are not of the realm of youth any more. It’s puberty version 2.0; the physical changes took place years ago, now it’s time for the mind to grow up.
What’s weird is that I’m finding myself moody and grumpy and stressed, just like I did as a rowdy teen. However, the ways in which I am experiencing these things is entirely different. To be honest, it’s a bitch. I pine for a time where I could just run around and do whatever I wanted to, safe in the knowledge that it was almost impossible to fail school, so I didn’t need to be awake or on the ball or with it. Now, I have to go to bed…early…
I’m sure I’m just being grumpy and whiny, but so what? Most ‘grown-ups’ I know whine often, be it about their finances or work or their whiny kids. I guess the main problem I am facing is that this new puberty has taken me by surprise. I didn’t realise what it would be like and I certainly didn’t expect things to be so… well, I don’t even know the word. Conventional, maybe? It feels like everything is just settling down into pre-fashioned grooves, like honey on a crumpet. There’s nothing I can do to stop it either. The inevitable execution of my child and youth hood is slowly approaching; I’m just stuck in the guillotine staring up at that giant blade, waiting for it to one day fall sharply upon my waiting neck.
All that will be left is cold, calculating head – no room for the joys of the heart or soul. Only thought will remain, thought cut off from the sources of inspiration that youth brings. Perhaps I am just being melodramatic, I am already dreading the comments that may follow this post. However, I still want to make this point.
I am determined to reverse this process. I will find a way to retain all those wonderful things about childhood and youth while still entering into the adult world. I will be looked upon with disdain by suits and crinkly eyes, while the mouths that accompany them whisper and tut.
With any luck, I’ll hear a bemoaning voice let out: Oh, how childish.
June 1, 2010 at 6:43 pm |
You’ll be right, mate. Don’t worry about the melodrama, it’s natural to feel anxious about the onset of maturity. I don’t think it’s as deadening as you might think, actually—I think it can be empowering, as long as you are pursuing things which are actually important to you, which give your life meaning. Being mature, being responsible, doesn’t mean settling for a boring, humdrum life. You choose how you live.
By the way, “like honey on a crumpet” … that’s great!